Paris Hilton gives self away free with chocolates

heads down thumbs up!

If One Wish: Puff, The magic, non-gender Dragon

05/05/03
01:04am




specs:
-It is any colour you want it to be
-3ft long
-Breathes out Ganja and your desired munch
-eyes give out money
-Snots beer
-Ears spliff roll hey
-Nipples- presents via suckling
-Fit birds come out anus, and then grow
-Non Gender Dragon
-Magic Eggs make dreams a reality for a yet to be announced amount of time.
-Dragon reads your mind, As soon as the thought goes into your head you have what you need

That'll be Threnty-tween Pounds

Essence of Bragg-Captured. Next.

Transformers II

A Bed of Nails

It's a familiar situation - you need a nail of a specific length, but there are only two in the house. One of them is fractionally too small, and the other too long. The 21st century solution is here with A Bed of Nails. Simply place the two nails on a luxurious heart-shaped four-poster bed in a private room complete with the following erotic luxuries -
- Stereo carved out of a rubber on tiny shelves
- Pen lid painted to look like lava lamp
- Several original works of art to set the mood
- Miniscule paper tiger-skin rug
then pop a lid on (depending on how friendly you've become with the nails) and give them some privacy. Nearly two years they've been in there, and so far nothing. Looks like a trip to the shops after all.

Meanwhile:

Some music just leaves an awful taste in the mouth!

So thats what that meaty, beefy, chickeny, kinda faux roasted taste was.

Brad Pitt volunteers as test subject for new military laser

Oh my God, it's full of Stars

Only 10th-Level Celebrities know about this club night. It's so cool nobody has ever shown up, even the DJ, who is a manatee.

FaceSpace: The Future of social Networking

Web Genius' have come up with a revolutionary new way to network socially. Early users have likened it to Facebook and Myspace saying "Facespace has kept me in touch with all those people i hoped id never speak to again'
A spokesperson from Facebook expressed concerns about FaceSpace saying "People seem to have become increasingly interested in Facespace and i am worried that people may leave their computer screens to interact on a personal level"

Watch this (Face)Space.

Watercooler Diaries No.1

Best of friends Glenn Hoddle and Tim Dowling sort the wheat from the chaff around the guardian office.

This much we knew.

Fears that Holmes might actually know something were put to rest this week.

Penk guest speaker at UK average awards.

Penk showed up at the national average awards this week to collect his lifetime achievement award.
presented to him by Peter Ebdon of BBC 2 fame.

Let's all fly away on the wings of my imagination

"Untitled" by Some Fully Grown Adult Dude, leaky biro on napkin 2008

The less Bono know, the more Bono believe

I read the Declaration of Independence and I've read the Constitution of the United States, and they are some liner notes, dude.

There's a great freedom when you have your feet in two so called mutually exclusive worlds: The world of irony, and the world of soul, The world of flesh, and the world of spirit, The world of surface and the world of depth.

When the story of these times gets written, we want it to say that we did all we could, and it was more than anyone could have imagined.

Senators, I spend a lot of time in this country. Maybe too much for your liking. I spend a lot of time in buses. At truck stops. In town halls. In church halls. I do all this, and I'm not even running for office.

Books! I dunno if I ever told you this, but books are the greatest gift one person can give another.

As a rock star, I have two instincts, I want to have fun, and I want to change the world. I have a chance to do both.

In some ways, success is a lot easier to achieve than relevance.

The final mark of greatness, I think, is emptiness.

Julie Burchill, you are a delight

In the Guardian Weekend section today Julie Burchill goes for a bit of a drive and writes it down. As well as expressing a baffling dislike for Homer Simpson (who isn't real) she introduces us to Britain's most tolerant person -

"In my third husband I had discovered a blissfully laid-back type who thought it nothing less than hilarious when i misread the map on the way to Wales, so it took us an extra three hours, or when I was sick in a plastic carrier bag during much of the drive back from Devon - a bag that turned out to have a hole in it."

Things that make me feel good. This Week: Devonte Hynes

Former Testicle, Devonte Hynes reveals to HotStarLook!OHNO! what really makes him tick.

This Week: Inside The Brain of John Snow.

Special Offer, Nadines Tears for Sale.

What, with Girls Aloud at each others throats and Messy Jetcalfe making friends with jack daniels. Nadines hooked up with Dragon Deborah Meaden to bring you this: The Tears of Nadine. An irresistable lift to brighten up those winter-tired eyes.
only £9.95 inc. postage and packaging.

Up The Junction

HotStarLook!OHNO! loves new raunchy TV drama, Clapham Junction. We dont care whos a homo with the likes of gorgeous waiter Alfie, and nanas boy Terry on our screens.

The EX Files. We dig up the hottest gossip from our Vaults for you to enjoy once again.

This one certainly flew over the cuckoos head, and everyone elses as Richies West End Debut plumets into the theatrical toilet, effectively ending his career. (If you ask us it was that beak he insisted on wearing throughout the performance)

ReHeated - 8-14 Mar 08 PART 2

In Part 2: People doing stuff, the readers harrass Chris Fountain, a mind-bending puzzle, David Beckham is brilliant, meat fashion, Tom Cruise keeps it real, men are useless, Calum Best devolves, and just why is Charlotte Church?

ReHeated - 8-14 Mar 08 PART 1

In Part One of this week's ReHeated: Fearne Cotton bares all, Adele by the pound, Page snubs Osbourne, Lil' Kim lets us all down (but most of all, she lets herself down), Top Gear one-upmanship reaches new heights, Britney disease and Ziggy hits rock bottom.